Her

I’ve known her since I was young. By the time I had grown up, I thought she was captivating me. I didn’t know how it was, but I feel great every time I see her face, and her smile. But what could I do? She might not know my name. Yeah, we never talk each other. I just met her, stared at her face and smiled like a crazy son of a bitch (oh, fuck). Every time I see her, the only thing I can do is staring, smiling, and getting into my mind (day dream). Moreover, it seemed like she’s not an outgoing person. Yeah, she’s rarely going out. Okay, my house isn’t too far from her house. Though, it’s still nothing I can do. It’s really difficult situation. Actually, what the heck did just happen to me? Am I falling in love? I have no idea. Here’s something about her:
She’s quite beautiful (of course I said so). She’s white-skinned. She has small eyes but I don’t think if she’s Chinese after I saw her family. She’s not too tall. She’s a little shorter than me. And I think she’s nice. I’ve never heard she does something so great. It’s all usual things. That’s why I like her. She’s simple (as I know), and relax. But I’m not sure. May be she’s a little shy. Of course, I never talk to her. Now, she’s in high school the tenth grade, a grade above me. I don’t even know if she’s older than me or not. The point is: I like her, and she doesn’t even know my name. Suck, isn’t it? She usually goes for school by public transportation. When she was in JHS, she passes my house everyday in the morning. Now, I think she goes in the afternoon. I can’t tell you more because it’s actually a secret.
And a bad news, I guess she had a boyfriend already. Yeah, I saw her in the trade centre, and she was with a boy. Oh god, fuck me! What the hell am I doing so far? Of course, I was shocked. But I had guessed it before. I mean, it’s impossible that beautiful girl like her have no boyfriend. Well, I’m not the only one who runs after her. So I don’t care about it. Finally, I only want to be her friend. I think it’s enough for me. Besides, I guess I’m not ready for any love relations. I prefer to make friends as many as possible (it’s a cover xp).
May be I have to do like in ‘The Sims’. To make a relation, first thing we do is to greet, to talk and then we’ll be friends, even couple. Yeah, life is just like a game sometimes. And this problem is a part of my life that I have to pass. So I decided to play it with joy. No fear, no pressure. If we fail, we can try harder. And so love is. Like LeGuin said: Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone. It has to be made, and remade all the time, like bread.
Back to the problem. Actually, I need someone can give me some advices. I can’t solve my problem myself. I’m 15 years old and you may call me a loser because it won’t break me at all anymore. Okay, I think that’s it. Actually, I feel free with writing this note, because I’m too shy to share it with talking.

Note: I used English in this note because I’m too shy to use Indonesian.
Peace, from the Worst Loser in the World